I recently did something that I didn’t anticipate doing… I shared my blog on social media.  I went back and forth on this, for a couple weeks, and finally decided to do it.  This was a big deal to me, because I am a fairly private person.  It’s not like I am secretive, or an introvert, I am just the type of person that doesn’t share a lot of details about my life, unless you are one of my close friends.  I don’t like a lot of attention, so I do my best to stay under the radar, especially on social media.  My rare Facebook posts are usually surface based pictures or something involving humor.  Allowing so many people into my life makes me uneasy, for whatever reason.  So why would I choose to blog, and spew such private details of my life to strangers, rather than just journal my thoughts?

I did it because I didn’t want to repeat history.  When Eli was born, I sort of shut myself out, for a couple years.  I was emotional, resentful, and unsure about where or how to fit in, and in being this way, I created an awkwardness in my life. I was in this whole new, scary world that I knew nothing about, and rather than put myself out there with people, I retracted.  I didn’t like that it seemed like people felt sorry for me, I couldn’t relate to other new moms, and I hated the fact that I cried so easily when people asked about him.  But it was all me.  I told myself that people felt sorry for me, that other mom’s didn’t get it, (because I hadn’t yet reached out to other mom’s of children with special needs), and I shouldn’t have been afraid to show my emotions.  I am happy to say that none of that lasted.  In time, I met some friends who had kids with disabilities and it opened up a whole new life for me.  I started opening up with old friends, and new, and really connecting.  I was finding myself again, and life seemed to get better and better.  I have experienced so much growth since Eli was a baby.  I know, now, that having a child with a disability doesn’t have to be scary or lonely.  I feel like, by putting our story out there, I can alleviate some of that awkwardness I felt before.  I can let everyone know that my family is okay, so they can be okay, too.  It won’t have to be a weird “thing” like … ‘whoa, they have two kids with special needs?  I wonder what that’s like?  They must be a mess.’  Etc.  It’s human nature to be curious, or assume, and I want everyone to be on the same page as us.  The more I keep things open, the easier it will be for us to continue our normal, happy life.  Now the truth is out!!  I am ultimately just super selfish. 🙂

So, I didn’t do it for the praise or attention.  That’s not me.  However, I really did appreciate everyone’s kind words and support.  Thank you for that.

FYI – My next post is going to be about my chickens, so you have that to look forward to.  I know, I know.  Now you are going to lose sleep due to anticipation, but I thought I would give you a heads up, since this blog is going to be all over the place.